Giving Your Grown Kids Advice? Start by Listening

Did you know? One simple question can change the way you offer your adult child advice: “Would you like my thoughts, or would it help more if I listened?”

When your grown child has a problem, it’s natural to want to jump in. You love them. You’ve learned a few things. You’d like to save them some trouble.

But sometimes they need a listening ear before they’re ready for suggestions.

Give them a chance to explain what’s happening. Ask what they’ve already tried and what they’re hoping to do next. You may find they’ve thought about the situation more than you realized.

If they want your advice, keep it simple. Try, “One thing you could consider is…” Then leave room for them to make their own decision.

Research suggests that the quality of the relationship matters when it comes to how parental advice is received, especially when it wasn’t requested.

And if you catch yourself pushing too hard, you can always reset: “I got ahead of myself. Tell me what you need.”

You still have plenty to offer. Listening helps you figure out what will actually be useful.

What’s helped you build a stronger relationship with your adult children?

Further reading: Research on parental advice · American Psychological Association discussion.